Mad Musings

 Wake up, get up. Doom scroll then gather my things up. The start of each day is this monotonous ritual. It's boring.  Then when something does change it's stupid. It's pointless. It's for no reason at all. I often wonder what the thought process is. Why the sudden bursts of micromanaging. I feel like it's correlated to her being scolded. She finds something she can control. And when I think about that, it's sad. Really sad. Then I'll feel bad for her. Try to be nice to her. Then she'll bother me more and more until I get overly annoyed. This cycle is gross. The changes are pointless. The nitpicking is pointless. What's worse is you barely understand me, so what makes you think that kids with even lower English levels than you will understand me more? The difference is they'll try. They're not afraid to be wrong sometimes and ask questions. "It's fine," I tell myself.  "5 more months," I tell myself. But that's not...

Lately, it keeps bothering me. And I know dwelling on it after all these years will do nothing for me. But I have to say it, as it as I felt it and feel it now. The hardest part of it all is these moments that hurt me exponentially aren't even a twinkle in your memories. Where do I even begin? The band is supposed to be one big happy family. Accepting even the weirdest, right? In middle school, I was told to wear less black. More color. High school was great and slowly fell apart. The way the best things do I suppose. The two of you had a rocky marriage. Daughters in the band. Hard to keep personal and private separate huh? Yet no one ever criticized you. But man, when I stepped into the leadership? Boy, it was so clear just how much I didn't belong. The way all of you berated me for my relationship. None of you were my friends. None of you were friends to me. Oh, and you two, said you didn't know they were going to corner and interrogate us? You're just as bad because ...