Mad Musings

"What are you doing next?" "What's next for you?" Harmless. Small talk. Chit chat. It's safe, easy. In theory at least. Life is as hard as we make it. I just graduated college. What am I going to do next? Failure is normal, struggle is easy. In theory of course. I sometimes find it hard to keep the anxiety down, spiraling spiraling until sleeping becomes a restless game of cat and mouse. But I'm okay. We all are eventually okay. A mantra we hold close to our chest like crossed arms barring us from unwanted advances and discomfort. Life is throwing yourself into discomfort more often than we like to admit. It's okay to not be okay, but know that okay or not okay is only temporary.

Noon. Probably not the best wake up time. Forever torn between late nights and early wake up calls I stumble to the kitchen. Groggy and teetering I make my green tea. My mother is here and I need to walk down to the shed she dubs "The She-Shed". I walk outside. She's on the phone with her boyfriend. The small black plastic slipped over her ear as she picks up trash. The dogs got a hold of the large black trash bag we left outside the previous day. I help her, barefoot and hot tea up in hand. She's chatting to her boyfriend as we work. "There was a pair in the trailer but it was too much trouble to go get them." Oh. The little grabby things. What were those called? An arm with a trigger on one end that caused the other end to clasp and close with each squeeze of the handle. It's always interesting the various things we use or come into contact with and never wonder what they are or what they're called. If only I had thought to grab it... but why?...